Worries of an introvert

Perhaps today was supposed to be a happy day, but sitting here at 12am I feel this sense of loneliness and melancholiness plaguing me. Hanging with the usual 3 is not always the best combination, given that somehow I always feel left out at some point. Am I being over sensitive?

"After high school, you realise you were only friends with some people because you saw them five times a week." 

Sometimes I wonder how true this is. After graduating from SA, reluctantly, how many friends, real ones, can I say I've actually made? The fact that SA was a christian school was one of the better things, but then again I didn't really cherish my time in SA. I mean there's no point crying over spilt milk. Time can't be rewinded to make better friends, study harder or anything, and at this point its all about moving on. Everyone's growing up, shaving off their circle friends to what was and what is going to be. We're turning 18 soon. Well most of my friends have already turned. Just me left. Am I an adult yet? Kidult maybe. Everybody around me is "forcing" me to grow up. And as I test the waters of adulthood, oh does it seems deep, choppy and scary to an extent. Why as adolescents are we forced to mature in such a short age? Why are we expected to carry ourselves naturally in a way that is "fitting" of an adult. Doesn't everyone mature at a different rate? Then what about stragglers like me? Here and yet not there. 

I don't know why I cry about the littlest thing, and what more I'm not on my period. Sigh this really breaks the "eloquent" writing I try to pen down in this space. Either way, maybe it's because it matters a lot to me? I really don't know. 

Incoherence.