again? - sorry.

There are times when I feel like I will never ever make it. I will never live up to the expectations my parents have of me. Because even if they tell me that it's okay to have done my best, behind my back they truly are disappointed. And that's not okay. Even if they tell me to chase my dreams, behind my back, they actually don't believe I will succeed, they're just afraid of pouring cold water on my seemingly foolish dreams. And that's not okay. 

The pace of my three year course isn't like my peers. You can't afford to slacken. 

I'm currently at my brim, spilling over in desperation. Yet you want me to go further, work harder. There's no room for failure. I hate it. I hate this pressure. Isn't it okay to just be mediocre? Is life really about that cert? Yes, I am indeed an investment you wouldn't like to see to fail. University fees aren't cheap either. Yes, I'm aware of that. But please stop pushing me. Stop pushing me to go further. The voice inside my head is enough to drive me over the edge. 

Maybe it's my inherent inability, or maybe it's the pressure. But please stop. Just let me do my best, and if it's not enough, please be okay with it.