Some days are just a little more sad than the others.

Inadequacy kills. I don't know how many times have I cried over thinking of the many stark flaws evident physically, emotionally, and spiritually within me. Many people would say, "oh everyone has flaws." Yes, that I agree. But do you have flaws so obvious on your outer-being?

Inequality kills. The thought of being worse-off than the other brews a sense of dis-belonging and perhaps jealousy(?) when looking at others enjoy better circumstances than you do.  What's so different between you and I? Comparison is the thief of joy. Think about it.

One year from now, you'll wish you started today. Yes. Just do it.

One can have a life without others knowing.

After wasting countless of precious hours on social media or should I say mainly instagram, I've arrived at somewhat of an epiphany, that I need not flaunt my life i.e. what I do, what I eat, what I have; in order to let others know of my oh-so-up-to-date social lifestyle. I mean like, I'd rather just enjoy the moments shared between the people at the event/date/outing, you know keep it in the circle? No one should judge peoples' lives based on their instagram accounts, even though I'm guilty as charged too. Instagram only reveals things people want us to see. It hides the ugliness of our lives behind filters and carefully-edited photos in square grids. No one wants to see you in your specs and sweats, with that ugly messy bun (that is not at all tumblr-ish) and perhaps breaking out in pimples over stress. It's all a facade, that I as an Alevel student should not be wasting my time on.

6 weeks or maybe less than that to Prelims. So, I screwed my BT2s. Keep up, Buck up. Get back on your feet. That's life. There's a time and a season for everything. Drop the taoris attachment, accept that their friendship is over. Don't keep dwelling on the 'had beens' and the 'what ifs'. It's over. They've been what they've had to be. It's between them. Haven't you been told three's a crowd? Grow up. I'm no longer a youth but a young adult, as Moses said. A professional knows the line between work and feelings. It's time I put that into practise.

Bucketlist

1. guitar
2. korean
3. digital dj-ing
4. web designing
5. photography
6. intellectual literary discovery a.k.a. reading
7. travelling
8. interning in accounting
9. exercising

"青春是一场大雨，即使感冒了，也盼望回头再淋它一次."

Adolescence is like heavy rain; even if you catch a cold from it, you’d still look forward to experiencing it once again.

Don't let your emotions rule your mind. Rationality. Rationality. 

(too) broken

The thought of being broken beyond repair. I think everyone is a little fucked up in their lives. Imagine us all being glass shards with rough edges that will never be smoothened out. Such that when we re together, we only hurt the other. Some may find the piece that fits, but others, will just keep on getting cut and keep on hurting and keep on bleeding till you're dry. It's quite a dark thought eh. Life is fleeting. Time is too. And here I am baking, reading up on DJing, when economics should be the focus of the day. I'm not even done with math yet. Fuck my life. I'm off the honour rolls in my head. Falling. Deep. And nobody will go down with me. Because, all in life, I've been taught that I'm all alone, and the only person who'll stick it out with you, is God. And now, I'm distant from God, so who's there, no one. Lord, I'm sorry. Sorry for falling into temptation, sorry for not being a christian made after your own image. Sorry for cursing every second, and every hour. Sorry for not being how you made me to be. The wayward child. I never thought that I'd ever fit into that category. But maybe now I see an inkling of how I actually do. This rash is a bitch, and my mood is as sucky i ever. But hey, we can't keep playing the blaming game am I right? Get on with life E. Throw your burdens and trudge on. There's no more time to waste.

The prodigal son

Stuck here while the brother is out at Disneyland having the time of his life. Ayyy, where's the fairness in all this. And Bam! Out came the thought (or rather guilt) of me feeling like the brother in the story of the Prodigal Son. And to think of it, it kinda fits. I mean like, hey all Daniel does is eat, sleep, skype, dota, and maybe study like 20% of his life? And here I am being a slave to my books. So where's the equality in all this where he gets to enjoy ?huhuhuuhhh

The Jack of All Trades, Master of None.

So here I am listening to Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie, while the whole world must be mugging their hearts out.  Even XY is studying. And I'm wasting away. Last night at 2am, there I was lying awake for the first time, contemplating upon my complexities and incapabilities. Dark thoughts, for a dark night. Apparently my 15 hour sleep fest from the day before led to this temporial insomnia. So taking a quick perusal over the close to 18 years of my insignificant(?) life, what significant achievement have I done? What am I good at? What will I be good at? What achievement will I come to attain? And I came up with close to nothing as an answer. "If life were a card game, the jack of all trades is one of the worst cards to be in life." Heard this somewhere, from someone, and if I faintly recall it might be my mom. "You're good at everything, but good at nothing." What a paradox. Ha. That's it, my existence is a paradox. I still remember Alayne lamenting about not being good at anything while I'm multi-talented - able to play the piano, able to do draw well, excelling in academics. But yet again, nothing lasts forever. As we all grow older, our talents and abilities get shaped defined and moulded from the raw stones we once were. However, with stark talent showing, my talent has been reduced to something subtly mediocre or worse than that. My music abilities seem limited to that few songs I can string on the piano, my drawing is an utter farce compared to people out there who have honed their skills through time, and my academics seem like a road leading to oblivion. At times, I'm thankful for not having such starkly definite polarisation of skills, yet, sometimes I wish I had just one exceptional talent that supercedes those of others. Do I dare complain of being mediocre. Not really, but sometimes I still do. Limitless wants of a human. Imperfections nigh infinite. What's new.