Again

Why do I feel this way again? The imminent feeling of wanting to die or perhaps to put in a better way; sleep forever. I just feel so tired. But what's my excuse? Promos are over, and it's not like there's an extremely heavy workload or anything. I just don't feel like talking, smiling or interacting. I don't even feel like meeting my best friends. I... just want to listen to music and sleep and sleep and sleep. I feel kind of hopeless? I don't know. My mind is not exactly confused, maybe just blank. Numb, even. I don't know. Honestly, I really don't know. Being a Christian, I am an extremely bad one. I've sinned countless times and like I don't know what to do about it. God seems so distant right now. Or maybe it's just me running away. Isn't a Christian supposed to have faith in God's plan and live a proper life? I feel kind of lost in my life right now. What are my dreams? I don't even know. What are my interests and talents? I don't know either. My indecisiveness is getting real bad. Honestly, I feel horrible. Why have I grown to become such an overthinker. Why do I keep plunging into this state of insensitivity. Why do I get attached to people so easily. Why do I look this way. Why Why Why. Some things aren't even that important and I think about it so much; and vice versa. I've changed. I'm not that hardworking kid I was anymore. Why? Why must all my good traits be taken away and all I'm left with are my insecurities and failures. Honestly, I feel happy that my piano lessons have stopped, yet at the same time sad, because of the should haves and the could haves that I could have achieved. I like music. But I don't like exams. I don't like playing something when I don't have the time nor the heart to play that piece. Maybe, I'm really bad at it. I don't know. Tonight, I don't think I'll get any answers to all my Why-s here. I just hope that I'll wake up more as a more sensible, happy, optimistic and grounded 16 year old.