Drowning

Never use others as a barometer for your success. Comparing will get you nowhere. We are born with inherent deficiencies, a gap in our abilities. But the thing is what am I good at?

What if I'm not good enough?

This questions plagues me everyday, in every aspect be it appearance, studies, character etc. Is it my mind plaguing my heart?

This needs to stop.

Freefall

Lost. Honestly, that's the main word to describe the first 2 weeks of uni life. It's like being thrown into the deep end of the ocean, and there I am thrashing around in the water, hoping to survive, but only to continue being slapped by the choppy waves, and perhaps sinking deeper. Some call it the honeymoon period, but to me, it's not. Am i inflicting self-imposed stress upon myself?

Why am I so insecure? Why do I over-think? Why am I so emotionally unstable? Why am I lacking in so many ways? Is that why I turned you away? Is my real self that much of a turn-off? Push and pull. I thought you were a greenhorn, yet you seem to know how to play this game. Or maybe its just my imagination running wild. Don't pull if you're not willing to catch. Don't lead me on. Why stare previously, when now you don't even acknowledge my presence? It's like I don't even exist. Perhaps it was hopefulness on my part, given it was quite obvious. The lack of texts and the dry, short answers that showed no effort to keep the conversation going on your part. Am I the problem? What's wrong with me?


Why does my heart run away to other keepers so fast? Only to be left cold, alone and empty after.