I prayed for a job, and now I've got 2 pending offers and 3 awaiting a response. I wouldn't say they are top choices, but hey - it's better than nothing in my inbox am I right?
Now the issue is which to reject. I find myself at crossroads again, fearing to make a wrong decision. Flashbacks to when I was deciding a course in university and read the quote by Sylvia Plath on fruits on fig trees. Oh well, career progression opportunities, salary, environment, people, etc. So many factors to consider? And which to prioritise? A reminder from my Dad, is that: Ultimately, it's my life. If I want to prioritise money now, then I will get that money down the road. If I want to prioritise people, then I will get to work with good people down the road. But there will always be sacrifices, and it's up to me what I want to sacrifice.
Currently, a draft is sitting in my inbox waiting to be sent. A new situation, it's not me being rejected, but the other way around. Rejection hurts, regardless if I'm on the receiving end, or the being the sender. Obviously the latter has less emotional damage, but nevertheless, it's never a good feeling. Sometimes I wonder if I'm making the right decision - only God knows. But I've prayed about this for countless nights, for God to lead me where I should go.
The thing is, am I deaf? Or is God silent? Why am I still so confused? Sometimes I hope an Angel will appear in my dreams to give me a sign or just tell me directly what to choose, but nah, those were ancient times - things aren't so clear in these times. So that leads me back to square 1.
Option 1: Good boss, nice environment, limited exit ops, ideal job scope, low salary.
Option 2: Ok boss, international environment, possible exit ops, not-as-ideal job scope, ok salary
Option 3: Ok boss, nice environment, good exit ops, ideal job scope, ?offer?
Option 4: Ok boss, nice environment, possible exit ops, ideal job scope, ?offer?
Option 5: Good boss, nice environment, limited exit ops, not-as-ideal job scope, ?offer?
Thursday 27 June 2019
Saturday 8 June 2019
same ol'
A new year - I find myself thinking about the same things i.e. jobs, relationships, my uncertain future. I guess it is common for a 20+ year-old person to constantly be fixated on what is to be the "prime time" of life. Time and time again, we find ourselves worrying about how our future will pan out; afraid of the 1001 things we are missing out.
Sometimes I wished I matured earlier, not in a responsibility/studying sense, but in a personal sense. Being fixated on solely 1 aspect of life is definitely not healthy, and I guess only in my final year of education did I realise that. Took me quite a while I guess. Then again, when is it ever too late - as the saying goes: If not now, then when?
At this point, as much as I do not want to admit, I am still nursing my butt-hurt feelings of being passively rejected/ghosted/ignored or whatever you want to label it as. I guess, life isn't perfect. The chances of the person you think you like, liking you back, is infinitesimally small - even though dramas seem to portray otherwise. Then again, there are times in the day where I find myself wondering where there is an inkling of hope, of divine intervention, of anything really; that he would ever like me back. Oh, what a fool I am. As I turn 23 at the end of this year, sometimes I feel like I'm just beginning to experience what I should have experienced at 13.
Currently stuck in this limbo of "I don't know-s" and "Maybe-s" - yes - I do yearn for certainty, for some concrete result or outcome to cement in my life. But nevertheless, perhaps this is a test for me to trust more, have a little more patience, have a little more faith in the One who holds my tomorrow.
Cont'd 05 May 2019
This feeling, it's been a long time coming. Feeling slightly foreign, yet vaguely familiar - in all ways wrong. I still recall the days of listlessness, scrolling through Instagram in hopes that I might find something to block out the nagging emptiness somewhere in the recesses of my mind. Why is this feeling back? Where's the strength, the hope, the confidence I had built from the entire idea of a fresh start? Perhaps this is a test of patience and resilience. These days my prayers revolve around 3 things. 3 general ideas that I ask God almost every day for - that if He would just bless me with them, my life would be so much better. But honestly, would it truly be? Everyday I am plagued with crippling self-doubt - a downside of a perfectionist as I just read on HBR. Mind over matter. Tough times don't last girl. There's more to life than this. You can do it!
I really hope when I read this entry months down the road, everything would have worked out for the better and my current worries at the back of my mind would seem minuscule in comparison...
Sometimes I wished I matured earlier, not in a responsibility/studying sense, but in a personal sense. Being fixated on solely 1 aspect of life is definitely not healthy, and I guess only in my final year of education did I realise that. Took me quite a while I guess. Then again, when is it ever too late - as the saying goes: If not now, then when?
At this point, as much as I do not want to admit, I am still nursing my butt-hurt feelings of being passively rejected/ghosted/ignored or whatever you want to label it as. I guess, life isn't perfect. The chances of the person you think you like, liking you back, is infinitesimally small - even though dramas seem to portray otherwise. Then again, there are times in the day where I find myself wondering where there is an inkling of hope, of divine intervention, of anything really; that he would ever like me back. Oh, what a fool I am. As I turn 23 at the end of this year, sometimes I feel like I'm just beginning to experience what I should have experienced at 13.
Currently stuck in this limbo of "I don't know-s" and "Maybe-s" - yes - I do yearn for certainty, for some concrete result or outcome to cement in my life. But nevertheless, perhaps this is a test for me to trust more, have a little more patience, have a little more faith in the One who holds my tomorrow.
Cont'd 05 May 2019
This feeling, it's been a long time coming. Feeling slightly foreign, yet vaguely familiar - in all ways wrong. I still recall the days of listlessness, scrolling through Instagram in hopes that I might find something to block out the nagging emptiness somewhere in the recesses of my mind. Why is this feeling back? Where's the strength, the hope, the confidence I had built from the entire idea of a fresh start? Perhaps this is a test of patience and resilience. These days my prayers revolve around 3 things. 3 general ideas that I ask God almost every day for - that if He would just bless me with them, my life would be so much better. But honestly, would it truly be? Everyday I am plagued with crippling self-doubt - a downside of a perfectionist as I just read on HBR. Mind over matter. Tough times don't last girl. There's more to life than this. You can do it!
I really hope when I read this entry months down the road, everything would have worked out for the better and my current worries at the back of my mind would seem minuscule in comparison...
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