It's only a bad day, not a bad life. Go on.

나는 힘들어 죽겠어

So I'm at that point again - mid semester - when the tests all start piling in, and I start under-performing, and realising how subpar by grasp on each modules is.

I would like to think that I do try really hard, but sometimes handwork maybe just doesn't make the cut. My peers were all 4H2 kids, from top tier schools and here I am struggling to keep afloat. Why is it that I take so long to understand something the teacher says. Why is it that I have to write every single thing down - only to take a few more hours to get it (or not even) - and others can just commit it to memory when the teacher says it.

After a while, it gets tiring. It gets tiring to keep on struggling and to see nothing coming out in fruition. It gets tiring to keep having to compare. It gets tiring when I'll never see the top.

Expectations - people expect things of me - things that I want to, but cannot produce. And I myself ask myself - why? Why can't I do it? What makes me so lacking? Weren't we all from the same education system? Is it just me?

Lord, give me strength to carry on. Help me not to give up even when I don't know the reason to carry on. Give me a reason Lord. Please. Help me. I cannot do this alone. I'm tired, really tired.