Prelude?

The greater the sacrifice, the greater the reward. 

Countless of times have I been drumming this phrase into my head. Yet countless of times, I falter and lose sight of the goal ahead of me. "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." This is an exact explanation for this popular phrase.

It's Cny, and I've practically lost track of my studying schedule and "took a self-declared break" for the entire week. Sometimes, I feel guilty about it. Today's calendar snipplet of the day is: When you feel as if you can't do it, you still can. You may not be able to do it alone, but you can do it with God. Draw strength from the Lord and get back up on your feet E!

Self-worth

"…But if a mirror ever makes

you sad

you should know
that it does
not know
you."

-unknown

Seems like an unusually relaxing/ homework-free/ nothing to do kinda day today, and it kinda makes me feel weird. Hmm. Quite a sharp contrast from the usual hectic back-to-back plans + stress loaded day. Was just thinking about my future while searching up information about universities on the net. Can't imagine that I've actually reached this point of life where I'm venturing into adulthood. Concurrently, I've actually been thinking about the boys part of my life. Considering that I ain't pretty with my scarred face/ crooked teeth/ fat body (I sound real degrading of myself here but there is an ounce of truth in all these I'm saying), I don't actually think I'll ever get married. It's my first time saying this out loud, and I hope no one actually reads this. The pains of having a virtual diary. Since it's the Internet,  I'm sure somebody will eventually get to it. Crap. But what needs to be said, will be said. I've actually had some inkling of what my ideal guy is like; not a definitive version; but yeah. I'm far from a sophisticated girl as ts described to be: smart, independent, has her own sense of style, confident in herself. I'm far from that. Far far from that. 

Anyway, there are more important things to think about like acing BT1s. I can't mutli-task like others. It's either one thing or the other, never both. Studies or social life or personal development/indulgence. Grow up E, it's about time. 

Melancholiness hitting at the earliest hour

"You're not a kid anymore. You have the right to choose your own life. You can start again. If you want a cat all you have to do is choose a life in which you can have a cat. It's simple. It's your right."

-Haruki Murakami 

Basically, life is all about choices. You can have everything you are willing to struggle for. It has just been 3 weeks since the new year. Press on.