吴亦凡

I don't really know how to begin this post, but I really need to get this off my head. Yifan where are you now? Are you fine? Are you doing the right thing? Have you thought about this? What's going on?    Honestly, going through the whole fiasco again after DBSK, it just... sucks. I shouldn't get so affected by this, and should continue studying but hey here's to getting moody and sad. Yifan, I have no idea what's going on in your life right now. Is your heart/health okay? Why didn't the other chinese members leave with you since you guys get the same treatment? Is Tao alright? Leaving like that throws everyone off course. Not only the management with the rescheduling of activities and cancellations, EXO with the change in choreography and a lack of a leader, bandmate and friend, and also the fans, who cannot continue everyday life because there is no update on the latest chaebol fashion, their favourite taoris fanfic, or just the thought of hearing your voice on a television broadcast. But then again, Yifan, you were the reason I liked EXO. Thought I was out of kpop for good, but then I chanced upon your face, and damn, I got sucked back in. Now that you're choosing to leave, is it time for me to leave with you? Sorry to the rest, but to Yifan, whatever you do, 我永远在你背后.

Guilt?

So, while my instagram feed was flooded with pictures of my friends with their moms, the breakfast they made, the flowers they bought, the words of appreciation and stuff like that, I didn't do anything. Yes, I suck, I know. I don't know if it's just out of my character, but yes mom, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for only knowing how to study, or sometimes not even knowing how to prioritise, basically being a bum in the house that you earnestly hope will stop being awkward and perhaps be as pretty as how I was when I was younger so that I need not cling on to you guys when you're old. Don't worry, that won't happen. I'll buy my own apartment. Honestly, I'm not the most affectionate person around. I don't say 'I love you's, I don't hug my parents, heck, I hardly even say thank you. Even to my friends; I don't like to label my relationships. I don't exactly declare Pang as my best friend, even though I sure treat her exclusively. How do I put it, it's just not me.  Looking at it now, I'm quite a failure. You've invested quite a lot into me, and I can't exactly say that you've neglected me, so thank you, thank you for everything, even though you put me down from time to time. I can't say it to your face at this point in time, but someday, hopefully not too late, I will. So i guess, Happy belated mother's day.

当连自己都不知道自己想说什么

人生中曾有一些瞬间我感到真实的快乐，那时身边有好友和心爱的人，工作辛苦无忧愁，不念过去不望将来，有探索遥远世界的梦想和一颗完整而真诚的心。

Emptiness

It strikes again. meow. Indifference sets in. This has happened too many times. I don't even know what to do about it anymore.