thinking about life

At 22, entering adulthood, there are things that come to people's minds naturally when they think of us at this point in our life. Jobs, relationships, family. Well, I am working my butt off to secure a job I want... Family, well, we're good... Relationships. Aha. Haven't figured that one out yet.

Was talking with J about life and all, and at the back of my mind I was just thinking:

• Is it wrong or is it THAT bad, to be single and NOT looking? 

• Why do girls need to dress a little less conservative at the club? Why does our dressing even matter? 

• Why do I have to reason to you why I don't put myself out there to meet people at this age? Maybe I just don't want to? Is that wrong of me to do so? 

• Do I have to wear a tad less cloth on my body, and inch shorter shorts for a guy to look my way? 

Why do all of these matter? I just feel sad thinking about how society has evolved to the stage where more and more people - lonely souls (?) - are seeking for relationships based on these superficial criteria. Is there some sort of pressure for us, at 22, to be attached? To go to clubs, or trawl through dating apps to find the one? At this point in my life, I just don't find the energy, don't feel the attraction to anyone. Perhaps... it's just me. But as a reminder to myself:

The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. - 1 Samuel 16:7

Dark clouds

The worry of finding a job after graduation is just looming in my mind now.

With competitiveness ramping up within the cohort, I wonder if its possible for me to get a Summa GPA for this semester.

Even if I do get one, will it be in time for bank applications? Day by day I question the sum I invested in this course. Is it worth it? Will it help me find a better job?

I really really want to get into the global graduate rotation programme, but then again what are my chances. I'm scared. I'm stressed. Lord, I put this into Your hands. I really really pray that you will lead me to where I am supposed to go.

Help me to focus on my studies now, and get that GPA. Thereafter, network and apply. Thereafter, ace those interviews, and hopefully I get that job.

Mind over matter. Mind over matter.

June, July ...

KPMG

CFA L1 December... 2k 

Maintain 4 and above GPA... 

Winter Internship...

Dubai?.....2k 

Find job for graduation...

Two months of summer have flown by ... and here we are at the end of June. It's just one (or less than a) month to the start of a new beginning. New environments, new friends, new challenges and new possibilities.

For the past year, I've maintained a level-headedness that I have yet to achieve in a while - possibly due to the fact that I have been within a comfort zone and know the ins-and-outs to tackle the challenges placed before me. Then again, I stopped doing my daily devotions, stopped working out, stopped eating clean etc. etc. etc.

I should make it a point to restart my routine this July i.e. this Sunday. Perhaps, I might become a better me? For quite a while, I don't exactly like this version of myself. Too much of this, too little of that... Basically, I have come to the point where time and time again I question myself as to: Do people really like me? Do my friends find me annoying? Why am I here? Even surrounded by my close(st) friends, there's this recurrent thought in my head that I do not belong, that I should be elsewhere, ... that we have grown distant. 

I wonder if it is me distancing myself from others, or the other way around, but I sincerely wish for all this to stop. At the age of 22, we start to call ourselves adults. Do adults bother about little things like these? We have been friends since 13 am I right? So what's the big hooha right now? Things change, people change. I've got to admit that relationship dynamics change. So is all this I'm feeling, a normal transition of things? Maybe.

Either way, self-centred or not. I've decided to focus on me. On bettering myself. On becoming a version of myself I can say I like. And perhaps that's all that matters. (Aside from being a Godly woman).


End notes: Things to do starting July:
1. Daily devotion x2 per day (to catch up)
2. Exercise (min. 20 minutes to an hour)
3. Eat clean (intermittent fasting + 3l water per day)
4. Study for CFA (8:30pm to 11:30pm - 3 hour daily intense)
5. Read more (read on commutes to work, cut down social media)

Intentionality is key. Put your mind to it.

Intermittent plans for the future

Things to do in May / June / July

Learn
1. UX Design
2. How to use Olympus
3. Bloomberg Terminal
4. VBA, Tableau

Study
1. Study for CFA L1
2. Investing in stocks

Misc.
1. Book CFA L1 December exam
2. Clarify MFA schedule
3. Look for a winter internship!

On Friendships Pt. 2

On Friendships Pt. 1

“We’ll be friends forever, won’t we, Pooh?” asked Piglet.

“Even longer,” Pooh answered.