where do I go from here

At the quarter-life crisis, is it a mark of maturity to carry on - to fulfil and live out the consequences of my decisions? Or is it rational to drop everything and go where my interest lies? The second choice sounds tempting, but the conundrum that lies herein is: What is my interest? Where then do I proceed to?

The problem lies with my lack of direction, my lack of passion towards something so strong that could keep me going. What if I drop everything, only to realise that I don't like the next thing? Do we go about in life, dropping and hopping to the next fling? Aren't we just chasing the wind?

Time and time again, I question my current place in life. In Junior College, all I wanted was to get into Accountancy - studied so hard for it, now I'm here. But is it what I really wanted? Why did I opt for this course? Was it because my parents said it guaranteed a bright future? But now future is bright when the soul is dull. No future is bright, without a good degree. Then comes the question: how do I make it out of here? Everybody is fighting to survive.

Who am I living for? Myself or my parents? Was it my selfish decision to go where my grades led me? Would I be happier somewhere else?

Sometimes I wish I asked myself less questions, pondered less about these useless things that I cannot change. There are many people out there wishing to be in my position, an enviable place in an enviable course in an enviable college. Yet, I do not cherish it.

Think about it. Make the best of things. Sometimes it's wise and a responsible thing to bite the bullet and carry on. Everybody's suffering, not just you. Do you see them complaining? No. Hard work lies behind every smile, every denial of their effort, but its there. Press on, and at the very most, leave it all into the hands of the Lord.

Let Go, Let God.

Toxic

Thoughtfulness - is it really thoughtful when the intended person does not embrace your thinking of him/her? Is it wrong of me to want to run away? Is it wrong for me to not want to stay, to want to be alone? Am I that oblivious to the things my parents do for me? Am I just a rotten child?

Things haven't been exactly smooth the past month. Yes, university has started and it's somewhat what I expected, and somewhat not. At times I find myself drowning from the toxic currents in my mind. It's all in my mind.  In fact, looking at my timetable, university is quite spread out, balanced in a way? But it's just me, worrying, thinking, fussing about. And in the end, getting no where.

Do your best, and let God do the rest.
I need to remember this.

Live with the consequences of your choices.
I need to remember this.

If you really want something, don't stop short when someone says no. Press hard for it.
I need to remember this.